*image by Ben Harubin

A Story with various variations...

Once in my earthly travels I came upon a tribe of wanderers who were
attempting to establish themselves a permanent home in a village by the river.
The elder, apparently hearing of my mortal reputation, asked if I would stay
with them and start a church so as to properly encourage their needed cultural
and spiritual growth. Seeing a chance to assist a group of men in their
rightful development, I agreed.

On the first Sunday, so as to help arouse them from previously acquired ideas,
I presented a sermon entitled "God Is Hate," and offered commentary on the
complexity of human life, and the proper existence of varying viewpoints and
beliefs. Afterwards the elder informed me that such remarks would not do,
inasmuch as they were in violent conflict with the tribe's quite ancient teachings.
(I told him I would try to do better.)

Next week I delivered a message entitled "God Is Love," but after the meeting
the elder was still disappointed, and said I had offered little inspirational or
instructive inasmuch as they had all heard such ideas many times before.
(I told him that the following week would be free from such shortcomings.)

On the following day of worship and instruction I prepared a message to contain
and swallow the previous faulty ones entitled "God Is Whatever You Imagine Him
To Be," but it, too, failed according to the elder, who informed me that it made
hardly any sense inasmuch as most of the tribesmen were too poor to afford an imagination.
(I assured him that next week would be a different ball game altogether.)

Next Sunday, before the meeting, I hid all of my clothes and belongings just
outside the village for a quick escape, and planned to give these obviously uncouth,
unprepared, lower-achievers about all that they presently deserved. They all
assembled in the culture-hut: the elder motioned for silence: I mounted the little platform,
prepared to run, and announced, "I AM GOD."

Well, before I could make a get-a-way, the tribesmen began to shout and clap,
throwing coins to me as they attempted to embrace and kiss my feet, and from
the back I heard the elder clearly shout, "Now THAT'S more like it."