*image by Ben Harubin

 

After many years of wanting to bake the universe's most astounding cake,
one man discovered that you can either pursue a course of cream puffs,
or one of iron bars, but no matter which way you go, you've eventually got to
get out of the kitchen once, twice, and three times, for good.

A boy asked his father how to tell a standard story from one with a supernormal potential.
And the elder replied, "The latter never have a fuckin' moral -- just chocolate frosting."

One man enjoyed his first real head-on collision so much
that he came back for more.

To believe that there is "secret information" is to check your mail on the basis
of there being an undiscovered zip code within your home one.

One man awakened from the dead conditions of local reality to find himself
not in hell but inside a sound-proof booth on a quiz show, in there, locked up
for eternity, alone. Alone, that is, other than for that other self of this.

One man stood in his backyard and announced to life,
"You can't pay me enough to remain here."
"But come to think of it, neither can you pay me to leave! So there!"
And just then flew past his head a hummingbird of such swiftness
that it was its own twin reflection;
not its actual twin, mind you, but twin reflection.