*image by Ben Harubin

 

One man had two soccer balls
that he'd kick around in his back yard.
One of them did "okay,"
but the other one would kick him back.

 

Once men graduate from athletic activities, what they would then enjoy most
would be to read aloud the words of other apparently insightful men.
"Is this listed as scheduled in our TV guide, Homer?"
"Not yet, man, not quite yet."
(Don't you just love it how, when certain things have not yet reached fruition,
life'll make men, in reference thereto, use the words "not quite yet,"
implying that it's close, that it's certainly only a matter of time.)
"Did you say something, eh what?"

When a lad, a boy would ask his dad, "What is progress?"
And he would reply, "It is spelled m-a-n."
Then when he matured, and he asked the old man, "What is progress?"
the elder replied, "Can you spell i-l-l-u-s-i-o-n?"
But is was well into his fifth decade before the younger fully grasped the reply.

A man called up the telephone company and said, "I want to complain --
nothing comes through my phone but words -- and I'm sick of it!"
And the operator (as she'd been instructed) immediately turned in the man's
name to life for appropriate punishment.

Okay, contestants, it's time for our Bonus Round:
Answer this question correctly and receive this fine prize that Madeline is posing with and pointing to now.
Listen carefully, and be exact in your response, for I must take the first answer I hear from you.
Now here's the question…
True or false: the greatest pitfall in attempting to achieve the enlightenment
is in believing that there is some way to go about it?
...Okay, the clock's running.

One day a man's body and mind were chatting and the mind said,
"Ah, problems, what delicious little creatures."
"Problems are just made to be solved, or at least worked on."
And his body replied, "What are problems?"
And the mind pretended to feel sorry for the body for being so backward and sophisticated -- okay,
and the mind felt sorry for the body for being so backward and etc.
That make you feel better...
Mister Mind?