*image by Ben Harubin

 

After they've fed their gut, everyone in life wants the same thing –
that's right, the same, exact thing --
but only a few people recognize what it is.

If a worm accidently runs up against all four walls of his locked room, and realizes the nature
of his existence, he'll go mad. If a man does the same (and doesn't turn into a worm) he'll be free of his.
"Yes, yes, that's well and good, but why even take the chance of sailing off the edge of the Earth?
We all know it's there, it's just a question of where it is at any given moment, and what the odds are of your unnecessary movement putting you in a position that therewith coincides."

Well, thank you, Queen Isabella, Munchkin Version, for that far-reaching, insightful advice.
I'm sure we'll all be the better for it...if not more assuredly safe.

And speaking of safes:
Did you hear the one about the priest, the rabbi, and the surveyor who were gonna break into a bank?
"Yes, yes, that's all well and good, and I'm sure we all enjoy a rousing joke as well as the next man,
but you still haven't responded to my question of why one should risk even the possibility of falling off
the edge of things when, by Jove, I fail to see any potential payoff for activities that might put you in such a position."
(Okay, that's enough, somebody shoot the munchkin.)

Once upon a time, a mirror came upon a pool of water, knelt down, looked into it,
and cried out, "My god, what is that terrible thing?"
And the goldfish thought, "Jeeze, which bus from the boonies did he drop off of?"

The government specifies that line 17(b) should be filled in here, wherein you respond
"yes or no," you do not yet understand the practical uses of the unexpected,
even when it is as harmless as the verbal variety, involving such meaningless
matters as mirrors and minnows.

After he'd fed his gut, one man asked himself what was any further point to life.
...Uhh, sir, get thee to a reflecting device, quick (if you wanna stay normal).

According to a secret report from the nonstandard space agency,
some reasonable beings from an intelligent planet, while on a mission,
made an emergency landing on a certain world which proved to be most strange;
the inhabitants there purposefully made one another feel bad and guilty
through ceaseless verbal attacks on each other.
...(The report goes on to say that our crew repaired the fatibulator as quickly as possible,
and got the hell outta there. [Whew! I'll say.])