Today's news begins on a somber note:
YOU'RE DUMB AS SHIT --
AND YOU'RE GONNA' DIE!
(Oh! I'm sorry -- you already knew that.)

Now on to some real, fresh news!
News you've never been able to hear before...(right!)

 

How Life Works At Both The Molecular & Cosmic,
And The Neural & Hormonal Levels
(Part Of An On-Going Series):
On social occasions when the conversation would become so complex as to elude her comprehension and make her feel uncomfortable, Einstein's girlfriend would surreptitiously slip her hand into his lap, and leisurely drag her fingernails along the length of his Johnson until the desired effect on him was achieved.
Thus returning the situation to one of her liking,
and allowing her uneasiness to pass.

 

A notice at the front door to one mystical school read:
"The Past Comes In Large Bags --
Followed Indefinitely By A Trail Of Smaller Ones.
Deliveries In The Rear and, None More--
Alert Have A Back Entrance To Their Mind."

 

Nothing hormonal should be a hobby,
Unless your ratio 'twixt mind and body
Is so extreme as to cause dismay among the members
of the nominating committee for the prize in
Physics, or the award for Sports Injuries.

 

And Yet One More Way You Can "Spot The Enlightened"
(If They Were Leopards...And Wanted To Be Spotted):
They can have fun in reverse -- without going into reverse.

 

In the village square, between the gallows and the maypole, the king erected a sign that proclaimed:
"No Originality Allowed Here! None Necessary."
And upon seeing it, to themselves, several local intellectuals added: "As if we knew what it was anyway."

Bit Of Overheard Conversation Between To Humans At A Mortal "Cheer-Up Rally":
“Life sure is simpler if you're simple minded!”
“YEAH! -- and boring too!”

 

If, to buttress your point, you offer up a personal experience,
Then you lack an understanding of the point under discussion.
But not to worry! You can still get a job as a psychologist,
a rabbi, a reporter....
or important world leader.