One guy’s super private shibboleth: “Get ‘em while they’re hot!  –
which is the only time they’re worth havin’.”
Appearing before his select-committee, one man testified that looking at his self
as his own investment banking system, he had to conclude that all operations were: “viable and profitable.”
As acting chair, he thanked him for his appearance, dismissed him,
and prepared to call his next witless.
(Outside the chamber he said his only question now was: If your “wife” is inflatable:
is the cost of hot-patching her a tax deductible, family-medical expense?)
 

One man acted as though it was his job to explain to everyone what he believed was really going on in life, and whenever he was asked who gave him this responsibility he’d always reply: “Exactly who you think!”
 

One man believed it was his obligation to explain to everyone what he thought was really going on in life, and whenever he was asked who gave him this responsibility he’d always reply: “The last person you’d ever imagine!”
 

“Hey,” shouts a guy, “how ‘bout this: There’s this man who’s so thrifty that he saves even wrong information  –   ain’t that a hoot  –  and you know who he is?  –
I’ll give you a hint: his name starts with every letter in the alphabet.”
 

Mister Lister reads again from: Legends & Myths Best Left Forgotten.
“Okay boys & girls, here’s today’s tale: ‘In a far away kingdom was once a ruler
who himself was satisfied to take orders from a foreign power.’
 Yes Bobby?”
    “Did he ever tell anyone that he did?”
“Someone throw Bobby out of here.”
 

Notice: Everyone is identical to their twin brother  –
  except for those who do not have one  –
    they can apply on Wednesdays.
 

For the rebel's aim there is one thing worse than being helpless: feeling helpless  –   and surprise, surprise!  –   one of the two can be handled  –   guess which?  –
that’s right: the one that seems to require your participation.
The certain man would rather be shot than be told that he will be.
 

One father slapped his kid with a search warrant that read:
“Diminishing Returns Will Not Hide From An Alert Man.”
(As it turned out, the lad was not guilty [but neither was the sentiment the document expressed.])
Murder is best left IN the family  –  in fact to as close a kin as possible,
that means: As absolutely CLOSE AS POSSIBLE!         Do you get it?          Hint hint.
 

(And in a mildly related sports story): The growing success of siamese twins
is lending even greater credence to The Theory.
(“No question about it: He was safe at both second and third.”)
 

One man talked incessantly as if it was his pressing mandate to explain to
absolutely everyone in the world what he believed was really going on,
and whenever he was asked who gave him this responsibility he’d always reply:
“Yes, and I don’t think I can bear up under it much longer.”
 

There is a secret place wherein is recorded and stored every person’s:
“Serious & Important Statements” (Life does this as some sort of joke.
    “And I suppose everyone will eventually have to say: ‘Ha ha.’”
You know, that’s weird: When elephants have to sneeze  –  who is there to stop them.
    “Yeah, I got a consciousness just like that.”)
 

From door to door, throughout the neighborhood the young man trod;
seeking (he said) to collect enough consternation for him to enter the ministry.
 

During a lull in the routine park activities, one of the would-be philosophers
stepped up on a bench and proclaimed:
“Do you think it mere accident that we not only ended up on planet Earth,
but out of the millions of names man could have chosen for the place,
he selected, Earth?       Mere accident?  –   simple happenstance?      Hah!”
 

No sooner had this episode elapsed than a chap laying under a near by elm pondered: “How is a disorderly mind, in-here able to correctly identify disorder, out-there?
Doesn’t it require a sound mirror to righteously reflect a fractured situation?”
(And above his head, an overstuffed squirrel anomalistically imploded.)
 

His demand was plain enough: “What I want to know is:
What’s the fun in being sick if you know you’ll eventually be well again?!”
(No one on duty in that department could answer him, and he was directed to
the Pathology Recycling Lab, two doors down the hall.)
 

And in a related banking story: One man had to abandon his dreams of a
show business career when he learned he could not adopt the stage name:
“I Want To Know, I Want To Know  –  I Just Got To Know.”
 

It is not possible for an ordinary tongue to talk about any matter for longer than
twenty seconds without talking about what’s gone wrong with it.
 

One man has applied a private hyper-hippocratic oath toward his own automatic-consciousness: “Above all: Do harm  --  PLEASE!”
 

A boy approached a man who he had heard possessed extraordinary understanding and asked him:
“Is it true that the secret to everything can be put in four words?”
    “Yes.”
“So you could reveal to me the answer to all questions and clear up all confusion
in just four words.”
    “Sure.”
“Would you?  (if a person didn’t specifically ask you to?)”
    “No.”
“Well, since I did  –  will you, for me?”
     “If you like: It’s all just talk.”
 

Dialogue On The Cheap.
“What’s better than being extremely rich?”
    “Being friends with those who are: all the benefits –  none of the headaches.”
“Tell me something.”
    “Okay, what?”
“How come that don’t work regarding being awake?”
    “I’m not sure it doesn’t.”
“REALLY?”
    “No, you silly, of course not.”
“Are you sure?”
    “No, but it does sound right, no?!”
 “Yeah.                                        Dammit.”
 

One man seemed to feel it was his duty to explain to everyone what he believed was really going on in life, and whenever he was asked who gave him this responsibility he’d always reply: “Who the hell do you think!”
 

Monologue (Which We Didn’t Pay Anything For).
“The best thing I see about poets is that most of them die young  --
before they can write too much.”
 

Sports Related Soliloquy.
“I’m not only not on-top-of-my-game  –
I still don’t even understand what the game is.”
(And someone in the stands suddenly leaped to their feet and yelled:
“I WAS GONNA SAY THAT!”)
 

One man suggests you ignore all stories about the dead until further information is received.    (“You never know,” he says is his motto.)
 

Waiting for the light to change at the corner, a chap observed:
“Listening to all the stuff people constantly talk about will either: drive you crazy, or: force you to wake up to what’s really happening in life,”
he then turned and asked what exactly he was waiting for the light to change into?
(And of course immediately apologized for talking so much.)
 

A person who will state positively what he will and will never do
does not know what he may ever do.
(Or if you prefer: cannot face the possibility of what he might in the future do.
Dead elephants don’t shoot their mouth off!
DO YOU FLEAS HEAR THAT!?)
 

Confab Before Prefab.
“Let’s urge all of our opponents to admit that mistakes-were-made.”
    “When you say: opponents, do you include ourselves.”
“Somebody throw him out of here.”
 

Yesterday in the city it was officially announced: “No one is getting any worse,” followed shortly by: “No one is getting any better  --  but still:
no one is getting any worse.”
The Official Voice then asked if there were any questions  –   there weren’t.
 

Two dudes were rappin’ and one of ‘em said:
“The way you can spot a guy who’s awake is that if you call him,
he always seems glad to hear from you  --  but he never calls you;
plus: for all his friendliness, he’s always non committal.”
    “Wow!  –  that’s exactly the kind of consciousness I’ve always wanted!”
 

Speaking Of Neural Nourishment.
One thing for sure: You can’t live on leftovers    (unless of course, you live in the city).
 

One chap felt forced to come to this conclusion:
If you have to talk about your relationships   –   they’re shaky  –   really shaky.
(He says he once tried counseling his self  -- but charged too much.)
 

As he grew in maturity and sophistication, one man achieved such deep connections
to city ways that he could even glance at a basketball without thinking of sports.
    When tit always leads
    directly to tat,
    a man’s mind is sure
    where it should be at.
 

It's never too late for those without watches.
 

After returning from another typical trip to the city,
being surrounded all day by incessant talk,
the man plopped down in his favorite chair and mused:
“Doesn’t the fact that the gods never say anything
tell us something about the metaphysical power of silence.”
 

 Plants still growing, have but one duty.