While sailing over on the Mayfield, one pilgrim leaning on the bow rail
looking out at see ruminated:
“Everybody’s a-stranger-in-their-own-hometown ---
which presents several possibilities:
one is that they may not know what their true hometown is,
another is that they may be mistaking their natural state for that of being a stranger –  or it could be that just because a man can put words together in a thought that
sounds profound doesn’t necessarily mean.....oh, I don’t know  –  shit, maybe!?”
   (It’s not just those lacking power who’re traveling in steerage.)
 
 
 

Says one guy: “The best and great thing about assuming that whatever you do
will eventually prove to have been the best possible choice
is that it only costs fifteen percent more than not doing so.”
 
 
 

(Regardless of how it might at first seem to the contrary):
You can’t steal from a dead man.
 
 
 

In one man’s house everyone gathers ‘round a hole-in-the-floor.
   (“By, everyone do you mean him, when he’s pulled his self totally together?”
You’ve rung the bell, fair sir.)
 
 
 

When one man heard someone say: “If it’s not on the internet
it’s not worth looking for,” he smilingly mused:
“Funny, but as it’s proven to be in my unconventional inner life:
if it’s not in my head it never turns out to be what I was actually looking for.”
“Remember,” shouted the barker, “it’s only a joke if it happens to somebody else,”
and as the crowd grew and gathered round, whispered an aside,
“That’s why god made everybody else.”
(And one guy said he doesn’t mind too much being Polly Wolly,
but will be damned if he’ll be: Doodle-All-The-Day as well.)
 
 
 

Conversation.
“Wanna play a quiz I put together?”
    “Sure.”
“What’s better than having a big mind?”
    “Do you mean: in the city?”
“Okay.”
    “Big breasts.”
...........................(Silence)...........................
     “Is that all of it?”
“Uh-h-h-h, yeah....I guess it is.”

      Fact: It can come as a real surprise to people how quickly you can get to
       the marrow of a matter.
           (“Yeah  –  especially if you cheat!”)
 
 
 

This e-mail just in:
“Sir: It does not seem to me appropriate that a publication like yours
which covers such a significant subject as the awakening of consciousness
should cover the sort of story you did earlier (to wit) that bit about: power-steerage. Stay on point, I say.
Yours For More Serious And Thus Meaningful Mysticism,” etc.
 
 
 

First thing one chap did upon joining the Organ Transplant Unit was ask:
“What’s the mark-up on kidneys?”
 
 
 

Another: Sky-High Tale.
One moon remarked to a sun:
“Don’t you just love how that down on the mortal street-level,
if one human knows something extraordinary, he can’t tell anyone else.”
  (A passing meteorite mused: “Is that what’s made me what I am?”)
     One sidewinder enjoyed riding into a strange town and saying to people:
     “You can’t say that I ever gave you any advice  –  so whatever you are,
       you got that way on your own.” (Which really cheered folks up a lot.)
It’s said that someone eventually broke his spring  –  but you know how rumors are.
(And several residents of a rooming house voiced their objection to being spoken of
so cavalierly.)
 
 
 

Amidst the throng, one creature’s voice could be heard to say:
“If life is a party then how come no one is dancing?” –
after which he became inaudible as a bundle of hormones gave him the dip of all dips.

    “Ask and it shall be given” holds true for everyone but neurons.
         “And why not for them?”
     ‘Cause they’ll ask.
 
 
 

One man received his own private lesson in how-mind-worksas he read an ad
for a new volume in a science series entitled: “Newton: The Making Of A Fig.”
 
 
 

One guy’s how-to-improve-your-health tip is: “Don’t read anything about it.”
    (And a multiplicity of sophisticated city minds strongly objects to this as being:
     “Foolishness worthy only of the most unsophisticated, illiterate  –  or worse!”)
 
 
 

One man can write a new joke every four seconds: all he does is let his automatic consciousness present one of its endless serious-thoughts on which he then does
his magic: in an instant, turning it into a humorous observation.

Never make long-range-plans if you’re going before a judge for sentencing
whose brother is in the rope business.

Never, while discussing the metaphysical mysteries of existence with an armed
and pained looking theologian, use the word, enema for, enigma.

Never leave-a-cake-out-in-the-rain regardless of whether you have reason to believe that you will ever have-the-recipe-again.

Never expect to receive any special recognition while you’re alive,
(and as for, after-you're-dead, well  –   you can forget about it).

Never, no matter how quaint and folksy it may sound, ever be so-lonesome-you-could-cry.

Never force sushi on a man more accustomed to dealing with a high speed press.

Never expect the voters to take you for an honest man if you continually point,
and refer to your own head as: The Old Teapot Dome.

Never call your own number on the phone when you know that no one’s home,
(this has particular pertinence to hermits).

Never, even as a fraternity prank, release frightened ferrets into an operating room.

Never, when alone with him in a room, accuse an ayatollah of just
being-in-it-for-the-chicks.......(and goats).

Never be so uncouth whilst a visitor to the subcontinent (and home of Vishnu)
to ever mention it as also being the birthplace of the bagpipes,
(let forgive-and-forget be your guide when in a strange land).

NeverDIScourage others from doing things you’d never do  –  (why should you?)

Never attend Mardi Gras with a maniac-depressive.

Never row out further in the ocean than you can swim back from unless you have inflatable ankles.

Never, no matter how tempting, should you name your children after major plagues.

Never make a big deal of declaring to those you believe are trying to push you
around what you won't put up with or they've got you with a minimum of effort.

Never, even if you are in the building trades, ask a Greek if he is a back-hole-digger.

Never fail to play down your bad points & short comings
(on the rare chance that anyone would be so gauche as to point them out  --
even if you were so gaucheas to have any).

Never fail to say: Genre where you could have just as easily said: sort, kind, or type.

Never wait until something has actually happened to comment on it.

Never, even in a pinch, should you attempt to use your CD player as a food processor.

Never put lightning in a Mason jar................(that probably should have said: lightning bug).

Never hesitate to stretch any of your opinions to fit any size reality.

Never strain yourself attempting to look-homeward --   it’s not worth it,
(and this goes for whether you’re a damn angel or not).

Never, even in harmless jest, walk up to an ATM late at night and say:
“Hi –  my name’s Dillinger  –   what’s yours?”

Never confuse facts for fantasy   --
unless you're talking strictly for someone else’s benefit.

Never use the term, bowling-balls in reference to a nomad’s gonads.

Never think that the worst that can happen is that you’ll reap what you sowed  –  everyone else has sown a lot more than they can ever reap alone  --
and are going to need help  --
and it could be you who gets drafted.

Never appear to be too committed to anything.    (And):

 
 
 
 

JAN'S DAILY FRESH NEWS