April 2, 2003                                                                          © 2003: JAN COX
 
 

Family News.
Just like if your parents and grandparents didn’t have any children,
you probably won’t either  --   true too:
if your genetic progenitors had not the deep cell desire to know what is going on,
you wouldn’t be reading these words.
If you care what other people do  --  you haven’t got a clue;
if you even have an interest therein  --  your mind’s still in the wind.
Spiritual News.
One man says he might finally join a religious organization if he ever finds one named: “I Pulled My Groin.”
A man offers: “At least one benefit of being part of a recognized religious movement is that you have a legitimate dirty name to call those who disagree with you  --  fanatics!”
Culinary News.
What presently is chafing one chief:
“Does having a pressure cooker put YOU under pressure?!?”
which apparently emboldened a bus boy to quit fussy puttin’ around and ask:
“Then what would having a date book do to your life?!”
(They later formed a traveling Self Improvement Seminar
which is currently being presented at the Helsinki Shrine Squatitorium
where they are working in tandem with some unspecially trained turkeys to provide splendid opportunities for excursions into outstanding, even outré stupidity,
[and upon hearing this The Maestro exclaimed: “My gaster has been flabbered!”
(which is easy for one accustomed to the peripatetic life to say, but consider:
what would Karajan BE without his luggage!)])
And another chap ponders: “If parentheses and brackets are symbols for a pause  --
then what are all the pauses and dead spots in my life symbolic of?.....
.....I mean, I’d really like to know (you know) –
‘cause if I did, then I could do something about them..... .....probably.....perhaps.....maybe.....ah, screw it,
every time I start down this road everything turns into a friggin’ metaphor -- screw it!”
Biological News.
Man has an unseen organ responsible for: attitude.
Biological News Continued.
In brains and tongues are genes directing men to give advice,
(the use of seatbelts, urged by non drivers;
exhortations not to smoke, exhaled by smokers).
In the brains and tongues of men are clearly genes directing them to do something which they have labeled: give advice,
but which no wind can tell from which direction it blows,
“Hold up!”  cries one fellow:
“Now you’re starting to talk about my mind, and I don’t even know you!”
(There must also be a rag, nag, whine, and carp gene, wouldn’t you think.)
There is an unrecognized foolishness of writers, commentators wanting (they say):
"To reflect the mood-of-the-people"  --  everyone IS the mood-of-the-people.
Zoological News.
All the world’s fleas are in search of an elephant: a gigantic, unflappable elephant:
what a picture: six billion pests scrambling for spot of stability.
(When it comes to originality of thought, we live on a planet of dung beetles.)
More Zoological News.
Man’s interspecies love of pets is based on their undeflected hormonal connection,
wherein he does not have to bear useless talk on the animal’s part.
Judicial News.
The law recognizes two classes of those performing services for pay:
Professionals, and Tradesmen,
the distinction being that a Professional is not called upon to
guarantee the outcome of his efforts, but only to execute same
to the standards of his contemporaries in the community,
while a Tradesman must warranty his work  --  question:
which position should a man demand of his own consciousness?
How Mind Works,
(as exemplified by how numbers/stats do  -- which is mind’s operations personified).
Upon hearing the announcement that the average life expectancy
had increased by ten and a half months, one man thought: “Damn!
and I find out just today that I am dying so that I won’t get the advantage of it  --
damn my luck!”
While you cannot outsmart the collective conditions life imposes on man (such as:
the rich & powerful getting more so regardless of what is going on with everyone else) you can outfox it by realizing that you cannot  --
and in the process, do yourself a world of liberating good.
Social News.
A guy says: “One thing you have to say for the really rich is that
they publicly embarrass themselves far less frequently than do ordinary people.”
News For The Mystics.
What word is more important in the lexicon of man than  --  change,
(and extraordinarily so in that of the certain man).
“Son, do you realize that if a machine was TOTALLY mechanical  --   ALL the time  --
it could not BE asleep, or unenlightened.”
The basic problem for the ordinary (though not recognized by them as such)
is that their mind is stuck in their body:
the flumadiddle for the few it is that their mind is stuck in their brain.
Those not yet a citizen do not at all enjoy liberal interpretations of citizenship.
(You may replace, a citizen with, awake.)
There is: The Always On Approach  --  Always Here and Always On,
a Secret Stabilization and Leveling Effect whereby all fracturing is halted.
Physics News.
One man says he has spotted the existence of a previously unknown phenomena which he terms: the karaoke-of-consciousness  --
(though he is not prepared yet to describe it).
For a man-who-knows, all of life is symbolism, and all symbolism, a metaphor for life.
One man muses: “Why is there the unauthorized practice of medicine,
the unauthorized practice of law,
but not the unauthorized practice of inanity?”
 
 

A son said to a father: "You know how you can tell it is the day after April Fool's Day?  --
--  by the fact that after reading today's News,  I've almost wised up."