JAN’S FRESH REAL NEWS
                      © 2001: Jan Cox
                                      ***************************************************

October 30, 2001.
 

           ANOTHER INTERGALACTIC DISPATCH
                           _______________
 
 
 
 
 

On one world it is almost impossible to ask anyone a question about anything
without them responding with a critical remark.

A group of scientists (okay, one guy) from a neighboring planet went there
to study this strange phenomena, and what follows is an abstract of his official report,
(all right, taken from a conversation with him over a couple of six packs).

He says that while overall, the inhabitants resemble us,
there is obviously some distinguishing function operating in their brain
that is responsible for their unique and curious quirk;
he says that once you get past their opening comment,
they are no more ill tempered or mean spirited than we are,
but seem totally unable to refrain from making critical and dreadful statements
about whatever subject is into a conversation introduced.

He says at first he expected some among them would already be making note of this,
and studying the matter,
but found ‘twas not so and quickly realized that it was so all pervasive
as to be their norm, and thus none took any more specific notice thereof
than did they the air they breathed;
he said that in fact when he brought this behavior up to question them about it,
everyone to whom he so spoke looked at him bewildered  --  clearly revealing that
they had no conception at all of what he was describing to them about themselves.

Going into greater detail:
he says that when talking with them and a subject is mentioned,
(a person, an activity, an idea),
once they give their initial, seeming reflexive criticism-of, or warning-about  --
they abandon it and appear to instantly lose interest in that perspective;
eerily, (says he), as though they are mechanically programmed to say something negative about any matter brought up to them, and then immediately ignore it;
normally displaying no continuing signs of them ever having had any personal feelings
regarding whatever it was they had just harshly commented on.

He said that if you persisted in asking them about their initial critical comments
on a matter or person that they would then continue to speak of the subject in that vein, but as soon as you would cease referring to their opening negative statement --
--  so would they.

He says that this first response criticism and dread is not just individual, but public;
that it is the headlines in all newspapers and broadcasts;
in the titles of movies and books, even of scientific papers;
he says that based on the audible surface, the whole population would appear
to live in a constant state of critical outrage and dread --   and yet
when you speak at any length to them individually and observe their
everyday personal lives, the biting criticism and fear is not present;
it only shows itself when one of them is specifically asked what he thinks about
such-&-such person, or idea, and then seems instantly forgotten about
if not verbally pursued by their conversational partner.

He says that he has been asked his opinion as regards the purpose of this, (inexplicable to us), phenomena by a race so otherwise similar to us,
but says he has always refused to thereto respond;
he says he has certainly given the matter extensive analysis,
(burning up the better part of several decades, he confides),
and admits he has a perspective of the affair which fits all of the facts,
and with which he is satisfied,
but even after offering to go after additional refreshments  --
he declined to reveal his view,
saying that it would not be profitable to anyone else but him,
but insisted that you could discover for yourself the reality of what is going on with those weird people on that far away world, (not so weird and not so far away),
by a most surprising route:

he picked up and killed the last beer  --  stood  --  and in conclusion said: ”Look at yourself.”
 
 
 
 

...................….(“Man!    Did anybody see THAT one coming!      Whew!!”)
 

                                                                  J