JAN’S DAILY FRESH REAL NEWS
                       © 2001: JAN COX
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                              Earlier this morning as they were playing,
                              Take A Whuppin’ or Else Give One, 
                                 (their patented non-physical version),
       when the father had the son in a triple reverse, thalamic headlock, 
                                            he whispered in his ear:
 

“Two questions for you my boy:
Why do men like to hear themselves talked about,
and why do they believe that others are interested in what they think?”
He increased the pressure, and continued:

“Life makes all creatures curious as a survival technique,
and it serves a man well when it motivates him to investigate 
a strange noise he hears in his house at night, but tell me this:
what useful purpose is being fulfilled by a man’s curiosity regarding what other people have to say about him?  --   
--  and all men are, make no mistake about it.
You ask any normal human on this planet if they would like to know what so-&-so person said about them, 
and they will unfailingly be most anxious to hear it detailed.     Why?
Why do people like to hear themselves talked about? --  
and an ordinary man would likely say that it is because 
people are vain, but if you ask him to define, ‘vain’ 
he will say it means that you like to hear yourself talked about.”
The elder maintained the hold as he rolled the boy onto his side.

”For illustrative limning I could espouse a more potentially insightful response to the question, and propose that men
want to hear what other people think about them as a means of collecting information on potential future adversaries, 
and thus it serves survival needs – 
which is another one of those comments that sounds explanatory,
and which even professionals in the psychological arts would agree to, but which even a two second survey of 
what you already know about life, refutes;
the gossip people solicit to hear about themselves 
never serves any such useful end;
the whole, insightful-sounding idea is silly.

So:
men are made instinctively curious so as to better react profitably to anything new in their physical environment,
but why are they curious about what other people have to say about them when, as a rule, it serves no survival purpose?”
He shifted his weight so that more of it was on the lad.

“Second question:
Why do men unhesitatingly act as though they are absolutely convinced that other people want to hear what they think,
(on matters of no essential interest)?
With no encouragement whatsoever from anyone,
if a group of people are talking about baseball,
someone will --  pertinent to nothing being discussed –
suddenly quite seriously inject: “I can’t stand The Green Socks!
That whole team makes me want to throw up!” --  
there will be a momentary pause; 
someone may tilt their head slightly, indicative of nothing certain,  
or shrug non committally --  then the conversation will pick back up 
as though the comment had never existed;
it will then breeze along until someone else in the group 
makes another such expression of their personal likes & dislikes, 
which plainly are of no interest to anyone else.

This is so interwoven in man’s everyday, minute-to-minute life 
that no one appears to notice it  --  
but if they were asked to specifically do so, 
any sane human being would easily observe the obvious fact that 
other people are not interested in your likes & dislikes, nor you in theirs, and that the constant expression of such is apparently tolerated 
only for the sake of social calm  --  and everyone knows it.

If movies were the topic of conversation, 
and the automatic verbal activity in your brain causes you to
suddenly blurt out: “Today’s films are far too violent for me!” 
all you have to do is  --  just for an instant  --  
--  put your inner noise on hold, 
and let your infallible, nonverbal instincts reconnoiter the scene,
and you will be instantly aware that no one who heard your comment  
found it at all interesting --  not even a little bit  --  zilch interest.
They know it, and the speaker knows  --  yet within minutes,
the roles of speaker & listener will reverse themselves, 
and a previously disinterested hearer of your expression of
your personal taste will now express his,
with you having the exact same, total lack of interest in his.
Yet all human conversations throughout the world, 
and throughout mortal time are continually replete with these
sudden outbursts of people saying what they think about this-or-that,
in the perspicuous midst of rampant indifference thereto.
Why, my little grappler  --  why?”
The father then put the son in a prone position,
still holding his head and pulling it skyward,
turning his back into a bow.

“The two questions:
Why do people want to hear what others have to say about them,
when it serves no purpose that any human can discern,
and why do people continue to tell of their tastes 
when it is obvious that no other human being is interested?

Do you know what I am tempted to say?”
And the elder bent the boy’s back even more acutely.
”Do you?
Just for the sake of our family discussion here,
I am tempted to say to you that the reason humans engage in both of these plainly futile & ridiculous activities is simple:
men want to hear what others have to say about them,
and they want to talk about themselves because of the fact that --
            --  no one KNOWS who or what they are,
but that through these two activities
they may pick up clues.        

Yea-ah!” whooped the elder as he locked his hold even tighter.
”Consider this possibility: everyone privately knows that 
they do not really know what their, ‘self’ is --  
--  the self that mentally & verbally speaks so often & freely of itself,
thus they are reduced to seeking descriptions of themselves
from other people,
and from the continuing public admissions they themselves make
concerning their likes & dislikes in matters devoid of any importance, 
all in an attempt to assemble at least a vague defition of 
who or what this thing in their thoughts that calls itself  --  THEIR self     actually is.

Have you ever in your life confronted such a 
thoroughly delicious mental picture?!
(You can see why I am so tempted to say that this is the reason
for man’s otherwise inexplicable behavior reflected in the two questions I proposed --  but!“  said the father 
as he suddenly turned his taxing hold on the son’s head into one of submission,
“I won’t.     No sir! 
Not to a son of mine will I say such a dastardly thing.  NO SIR!”
and as he released the lad and stood in victory, muttered:
“You’ll have to discover it for yourself.” 
                    And off to the winners’ locker room he strode.

                                                      J