_________________________________________________________
June
18, 2001.
(Part 5 of a conversation.)
They
had driven into town early that morning to pick up some supplies,
without
either having said anything, (which was not uncommon),
but
on the way back, with the top down, and the sun well up,
the
father began again to speak to the son on that certain subject.
“The deep longing some men have
to change the
modus operandi of their
mind
is an unrealized desire for
a -– pre verbal I.”
He
took a sip of the coffee they had brought with them,
and
after adjusting the outside mirror, continued.
“As I have noted: there are various
ways to analyze & describe
what is actually behind that
feeling that drives the few;
the sensation of living with
a mind that is routinely half asleep, hypnotized, or otherwise, annoyingly
distracted & on a lark of its own,
but a fresh & potentially
quite explosive view of what is going on
is to look at it as the desire
for a -- pre
verbal I.
From your reading you are aware
that it has been long common
among the so-called, ‘schools-of-enlightenment
& awakening’
to say that men do not naturally
possess a, real individual I –
but rather are afflicted with
a number of false, fragmented,
and warring I’s which he has
acquired either because of
poor parenting, bad habits,
or a curse from the gods,
and their assertion is that,
‘awakening’ will finally produce in a man,
a single, stable, I that is
a true representation of what he really is.
The notion is quite captious,
and as always with such – not
without foundation.
The explanations offered for
this condition,
and the methods proposed to
correct it
vary from place to place, but
all in common clutch the idea that
what disturbs the few and converts
them to the goal of wanting to, ‘wake up’ -- almost instantly upon
first hearing about it --
is their lack of having a permanent,
dependable ‘I’, (or, self),
to guide them through their
mortal existence.
After the establishment of this
playing field,
the rules of the sundry games
become mostly forms of
mental entertainment & socializing;
their theories of what being
asleep is,
and their proposals of what
awakening will be
reflect the fragmented, conflicting,
‘false I’s’ of their
initial conception of man’s
world of the mind –
but it can be seen & approached
much more directly.
All the historical paths to inner
liberation have also had harsh words for
words;
they routinely condemn much
of human speech to be blabber & palaver, and identify it as emblematic
of man’s sorry,
snoozing state of mind:
that he so lacks a self-controlled,
solid, one-I-ed-consciousness
that he talks constantly, and
is mostly incorrect in what he says -- and
is in such a pitiful & watered-down
state of consciousness
that he is not even aware that
he is doing it.
Again -- a view, not sans
substance,
but I present to you today,
my boy,
a looking that is blunt &
to the point --
a straight hammer blow to the
head.
The desire to, ‘wake-up & be enlightened’ is the longing for a --
pre verbal I.
While
engaging in meaningless talk,
and
talking knowingly about things you do not understand
certainly
stand between a man and an alteration in his consciousness,
go
beyond that -- deeper into the matter -- just past the
surface.
I tell you this --
and I mean it as plainly as it sounds:
almost ANYTHING
that a man says
will make him appear an idiot
to an awakened mind.
Almost any words that an ordinary,
sane, educated human being might say about anything -- will,
to a mind that knows,
reveal him to lack the slightest
comprehension of what life is about, and what is going on constantly around
him -- and in him.
The idiocy, the foolishness,
the uselessness is not merely in the
excessive quantity, nor even
in instances wherein what is
said is identified as being
in error.
Those who sincerely believe
that they want to escape their present state -- man’s ordinary, common
& collective state of mental operation,
continually think that they
make meaningful comments regarding,
the condition of civilization,
of other men, and of themselves,
and without any exceptions,
to a liberated mind, everything they say
makes them appear as fools,
(and of course you know I do not,
in our conversations, use such
otherwise derisive terms as insults
to other humans, [who none &
all are in need of such], but do so
somewhat theatrically to try
and snap your attention to) --
and yet -- in a
completely impartial & impersonal manner,
everything that an ordinary
man says about anything he perceives to be of consequence makes him, (to
an enlightened mind),
appear a childish dunce.
(As
an aside you might care to note that this is absolutely, unconditionally
true with any comment an ordinary man,
[or
would-be mystics], makes that in any fashion whatsoever expresses their
displeasure-with & well founded criticism-of --
--
anything, (including their own confessed,
sorry
state of consciousness.)”
The
elder held out his cup for a refill from their thermos,
and
when the lad had so complied, the father sipped, then spoke.
”The manifestation of this that
offers you the personal,
put-your-mental-hands-right-where-it-hurts-
and-do-somethong-about-it
potential,
is to picture what I have been
describing as occuring in your own brain, between an area that is already
awake & enlightened,
and the ordinary talking part;
I say that everything the fully
conscious section hears
coming from the routine, speaking
part of your brain
sounds to it like the babbling
of an idiot -- the ranting of the deranged,
and this is the basis of me
telling you that:
the desire to be awake, enlightened
& free in your mind,
is the longing for a -- pre verbal
I.
If you want the practical use
in this picture I am today sketching,
take it as simply as I say it:
your desire to, ‘wake
up,’ (or anything else you want to call it),
is a longing for
a -- pre verbal I,
for it is only such an ‘I’ that
will not naturally be asleep,
distracted, fragmented &
annoying."
He sipped his coffee again –
then looked over at the son & said -- nothing,
(he actually said: “Huh!?”
-- but without saying it.)
J
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