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         JAN’S DAILY FRESH REAL NEWS
                      © 2001: Jan Cox

                  TO BE ASLEEP IS:
                                    _____________________
 
 
 
 

From the Final Movement of his 9th Catastrophe,
(popularly known as: ”Ode To Gripe”),
comes the little known, too-often-performed, 
don’t-look-at-me-while-I’m-singing-it oratorio: “To Be Asleep Is To Be:”

(Count it off, maestro.)
              ***********************************************************
 
 

To be asleep is to have your mind straying too far from your head.

To be asleep is to always be looking at the wrong thing --
                              and in the wrong direction.

To be asleep is to never be in the correct time zone.

To be asleep is to be forever caught in the middle of an
                             out-of-body-experience.

To be asleep is to have your house full of strangers.

To be asleep is to always have an explanation as to why 
                              you were not completely conscious.

To be asleep is to be a storm-at-sea even when the seas are calm.

To be asleep is to have a whole load of answers,
                              and not a clue as to the real question.

To be asleep is to have a pretender-to-your-throne who
                              suffers from multiple personality disorder.

To be asleep is to know nothing, and not KNOW you don’t know.

To be asleep is to have exaggerated features.

To be asleep is to be too clever for your own good, 
                              and too dumb to realize it.

To be asleep is to be ancient --  prematurely.

To be asleep is to chase after what the voices SAY, 
                              rather than after the voices.

To be asleep is to have mislaid your mind.

To be asleep is to have an excuse why you were not home when 
                              you were called.

To be asleep is to think about THINGS, rather than about thinking.

To be asleep is to be in prison with 6 billion people.

To be asleep is to  wear a coat indoors.

To be asleep is to be anywhere but here.

To be asleep is to be a cow, packed in a pen.

To be asleep is to have misplaced yourself.

To be asleep is to hear voices that you don’t KNOW you hear.

To be asleep is to not watch-what-you’re-doing.

To be asleep is to think that the world is NOT big enough for 
                              everybody, (all the idiots!).

To be asleep is to not be seeing with the right eyes/I’s.

To be asleep is to continually let a parked car, roll-back-downhill…
                              even as you sit in it…with your foot by the brake…
                              groovin’ to the radio.

To be asleep is to be captured by --  nothing.

To be asleep is to talk   --   always talk  --  talk, talk, talk & talk.

To be asleep is to listen to yourself talk,
                               and believe that it means something.

To be asleep is to  take dreams as seriously as reality, (kidney stones).

To be asleep is to be part of a conspiracy.

To be asleep is to be listening to the notes instead of the song.

To be asleep is to live on a large farm, but:
                              stay in the barn.

To be asleep is to have your hands in Seattle, 
                              and your hippocampus in Syracuse. 

To be asleep is to be singing one song while looking at the music of 
                              another.

To be asleep is to have lazy eyes/I’s.

To be asleep is to have your feet in next Tuesday,
                              and your frontal lobes in yesterday.

To be asleep is to always be playing in a different key.

To be asleep is to feel irritated and look around for the cause.

To be asleep is to invent unbeatable foes to fight;
                             conjure up impossible dreams to dream,
                             and believe unbelievable stuff
                             your own mind made up.

To be asleep is to enjoy complaining about life more than living life.

To be asleep is to accept someone's description of what it is to:
                              “Be asleep.”

To be asleep is to always be a beat behind.

To be asleep is to continually, and knowingly: fall into a vortex.

To be asleep is to dance with ghosts. 

To be asleep is to not watch where you’re going.
To be asleep is to not be actually going where 
                              the voices SAY that you are.

To be asleep is to wax metaphorically in the midst of a house fire.

To be asleep is to carry your own catastrophe with you.

To be asleep is to imagine that other people have a more interesting
                              innerlife than you do.

To be asleep is to be in a spy plane with nothing to spy on.

To be asleep is to be addicted to tumult & din.

To be asleep is to, (no matter how lazy you are), not be able to --
                              do nothing.

To be asleep is to chew on the jerky instead of the wrapper.

To be asleep is to look at life through a pinhole;
                               to wake up a little is to look through a knothole;
                               to have an enlightening experience is to have the
                               the barn door thrown open for a few hours;
the real permanent deal is coming to grips with the fact that   
you're a guy in a barn looking out at life through a hole...
                                     ...known as, the brain.
 
 

                                              ***
 
 
 

An alert man would  in no way be saddened by this listing,
but would use it as a reminder that:
The cause of all confusion is in being The Thinker rather than the --
                                        thought ABOUT.

                                                  J
 
 

                 (Plus: reverse 'em, and they'll tell you what it would be like to be awake.)